Student buys Newcastle University jumper to impress none of their friends

A Newcastle student has reportedly invested in a Newcastle University branded jumper, in the hopes of making everyone around him extremely jealous.

The plan did not go as intended, however, as most of his peers simply looked on in confusion and abject apathy.

“He walked in to the room with a smug expression; brandishing a new jumper. He had a look on his face as if to say ‘well, what do you guys think?’ but I really had no idea what the deal was.” One of the student’s friends informed us.

“I think he was trying to show off that he goes to Newcastle University? But none of us really care to be honest.” Another bemused peer told us.

“When my son came home for Easter, I saw his new jumper. I was honestly embarrassed to be seen with him.” The student’s mother added.

According to NUSU, sales of Newcastle University branded items have shot up in recent years, with false hopes of impressing people seemingly being the main cause.

However, according to an opinion poll, the public really could not care less about what university people go to, with 98.7% responding with “who gives a flying f**k.”

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