Heroic History Buffs protect Grey’s Monument from terrifying “50-foot tall” BLM menace

This article was originally written right after the 2nd BLM demo was held in Newcastle, where a confrontation kicked off between monument defenders and protestors. We at The Lampoon are committed to bringing you the latest in past news.

Our Heroes strike again! The defenders of Newcastle were out in full force defending Grey’s monument from BLM protestors reported to be “extremely tall and buff” and “hell-bent on stopping racism, by tearing down the statue of an abolitionist 50 feet in the air”.

Sources familiar with the Defenders of Newcastle stated that they were offering a lifetime supply statue of Earl Grey to anyone brave enough to enlist to protect the monument from the 50ft tall menace. To sip with their fresh gammon during teatime, a sprinkle of white supremacy to taste, depending on how spicy or internally racist you’re feeling. The Lampoon doesnt judge, though we would like the recipe as it seems to be doing great things for their teeth!

Our reporter has this to say: “I haven’t seen one of these supposedly 50ft tall ‘BLM demonstratots’ myself, and I don’t seem to be 50ft tall despite being a BLM demonstrator, but I do believe the heroes are telling the truth! I asked one of them for more information was told to get out of the country. What powerful words. These alone would surely deter any protesting hulks.”

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