Student Marxist proves dedication to the cause by becoming unbearable

A student at Newcastle University has decided to go full-ham with his far left politics, and become completely unlikable.

Now a Marxist-Leninist-Maoist, he says that his main enemies are the Tories, Marxist-Leninists and Trotskyists, as well as Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Third-Worldists.

He made sure to advertise his political views with a funny, ironic t-shirt with the slogan “Gulag me daddy”. After the purchase, reports emerged of disturbed earth around Karl Marx’s plot in Highgate Cemetery, who was turning in his grave like an 18v powerdrill.  

“People have called me pretentious, but I don’t see it,” he told The Lampoon, while adjusting his beret. “I do the power-fist and everything.”

His methods are indeed extreme. Since switching aisles – from the quite left wing aisle to the very left wing aisle – he’s been found ‘debating’ people in the kitchens at parties.

When asked about this, he explained “people are intimidated by my intelligence”. He then published a lengthy Facebook post with no punctuation or paragraph breaks. 

“Maybe I could do more to engage with the working class,” the student frowned and tilted his head. “On the other hand, I have read Down and Out in Paris and London, and I remember two anecdotes about French peasants, or something.”

“Those guys probably supported my views, and they’ve only been dead almost a century. They were proper poor: not once in that book do they go skiing.”

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