A spokesperson for multinational corporation Amazon has admitted that a public advertisement for a covert position was ‘not the best way to go about it’.
Amazon, which business experts have described as “like the Legion of Doom but better funded”, pulled the advert after massive public outcry. This outcry was due to the fact that it was not a sexy counter-corporate espionage position but more focused on preventing workers organising for basic rights.
“Let’s be honest,” the Amazon spokesperson continued, “we didn’t become an all-consuming capitalist monstrosity by taking any lip from the commoners we employ. The decision to make the advert public was made on the advice of the same algorithm we use to recommend products based on past purchases. Given that I bought a box of light bulbs five years ago and it still recommends erotically illustrated ski-boots, we should, perhaps, have anticipated this being a mistake.”
The pulling of the advert will slow the formation of Amazon’s own private espionage organisation, “Amazon-Covert”. However, experts assure us that it will have a negligible effect on Amazon’s ascension to a SHINRA-esque global megacorp. In particular, “Amazon Prime Air” (Amazon’s proposed fleet of drones) will be the first stage of the company’s private air force. According to Amazon’s current projections, this will allow them to purge “the unclean” (also known as non-Prime members) by 2022.
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