Musicians heed Rishi Sunak’s advice and retrain as unemployed

Musicians have agreed with Rishi Sunak’s suggestion that some people working in the creative industry may need to retrain for another job during the pandemic. As such, they have taken advantage of the support the Government had laid on for those working in the arts, and signed up for unemployment benefit.

“It’s the dream of every rock star to quit their job and become an accountant,” Pete Townshend told The Lampoon. “But failing that, it’s quite the thrill being unemployed, and I’m so glad the Government have given me this opportunity.”   

The Lampoon’s risk and finance analyst – a gambling addict the editorial team found on the floor of a local bookies – spoke to Sunak exclusively. Initially, Sunak was somewhat cagey, perhaps unnerved by the ‘home advantage’ of being interviewed in our office.

“Is it normal for an office to be a sex shop?” he asked.

Our analyst insisted it was fine, though it is possible that Sunak didn’t hear him through the gimp suit. Eventually, the Chancellor of the Exchequer became more talkative.

“To be fair, some musicians will be able to weather the storm,” he explained. “Jazz nights have been entirely unaffected by the pandemic, which were socially distanced anyway.”

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