Following a heated exchange during a parliamentary session earlier today, eyebrows were raised after the Speaker of the House of Commons deemed that what has been termed “a foul insult” by Conservative MPs and “quality patter” from an SNP spokesman, did not break the rules or conventions dictating acceptable language used in Parliament.
During debate that broke out following the submission of an early day motion (“that this House recognises that recent omens indicate that it is indeed a portentous time to geld the Secretary of State for Education with a rusty pair of shears in an attempt to improve morale”), Members on both sides of the Chamber became increasingly passionate as they argued whether the omens were indeed favourable, or whether they should simply continue with recent attempts to cyberbully the Education Secretary into suicide.
After a particularly aggressive exchange of views, H. Fizkin MP, was called upon by the Speaker to retract his previous comment, in which he had termed Henry Coningsby, a Conservative MP, “a lying, bastard rat”, on the basis that the descriptors in question constituted unparliamentary language. During his retraction, Mr Fizkin thanked the Speaker for correcting him, declaring instead that Coningsby was, rather, “an absolute cuntasaurus rex”.
Members on the Conservative benches immediately appealed to the Speaker to censure Fizkin once again for his words. However, after conferring with the Deputy Speakers and consulting a copy of Erskine May, the Speaker ruled that Mr Fizkin’s comments did not constitute unparliamentary language and that the remarks would stand.
“The Member for Eatanswill’s apology and retraction, unlike his first statement, did not contain any language traditionally regarded as unparliamentary; he did not refer to the Member for Darlford as a ‘swine’, a ‘hooligan’, or a ‘hypocrite’,” the Speaker stated. “In my view, ‘cuntasaurus rex’ is an acceptable term to employ to describe anyone currently occupying a seat in the House of Commons.”
The Toon Lampoon 