Local man begins quest to become “most anti-social person in the city”

Local man Jake Cox, 49, announced on his blog last night that he is “going to be the most anti-social person in the Newcastle-upon-Tyne by the end of the year”.

In a rambling diatribe, Cox denounced all 60,000 students in the city, calling them “lazy postmodern neo-Marxists” and claiming “they make the city literally uninhabitable”. These are interesting claims, since Cox himself is a postgraduate student at Newcastle University.

Cox has promised to “show you all how a real man pisses people off” and that “it’s all fun and games vomiting in the back alley in your underwear, wait until I’m setting off fireworks at 4am and shitting on your porch”.

Whilst us anarcho-anarchists (and Christopher Dorner fans) at the Lampoon can certainly admire the sheer courage it takes to go all-out and just give people hell, we do worry about the effects Cox’s rampage will have on the local curtain twitchers, since instead of all students causing anti-social behaviour, it will be a small minority ruining things for everyone.

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