A man has admitted that he is beginning to feel regret over some of his life decisions after watching Belle Delphine’s sex tape on Christmas. He made the confession opening up to our pornography reporter, a dominatrix who works in the sex shop that doubles up as The Lampoon’s office.
Speaking to our reporter, he asked “aren’t we meant to be having sex now?”
He agreed to keep talking, though, after she assured him that teary confessionals were her kink.
“I only watched the video once, but it’s the kind of thing that sticks with you,” he explained between sobs. “The rest of the day, I’m going to get flashbacks every time one of my family members mention ‘stuffing’.”
“To be fair, I can see it becoming a modern-day Christmas tradition, like watching Die Hard or breaking lockdown.”
The man has been referred for mental health support before someone takes advantage of his vulnerable position, and a Lampoon editor offers him a job.
The Toon Lampoon 