Student missing Soho during Christmas enjoys mulled blue treb

A Newcastle University student who is suffering withdrawal symptoms from Soho has decided to treat themselves to some homemade mulled blue treb. To get the authentic flavour, the student made the mulled treb with own-brand vodka, fruit juice and a small measure of washing up liquid.

Withdrawal symptoms from Soho can be deadly, and include things like regaining a sense of taste.

Speaking to The Lampoon, the student reported “The mulled treb is hot and sticky, just like the dancefloor at Soho”.

Of course, all Lampoon writers are banned from attending any nightclubs or social activity. Some have criticised this rule as superfluous, seeing as attending nightclubs or social activities generally requires having friends.

Nevertheless, to appropriately appreciate the Newcastle nightclub experience, our reporter put a pan on his head, and had the editors smash it with golf clubs. Once he had incurred the appropriate brain damage, it was decided he was finally ready to enjoy Soho.