The Column Column – Clasp

I’m back.

Like the at-risk-Tory-aunt-who-thinks-COVID-19-is-a-hoax-but-then-went-MIA-making-you- (secretly)-hope-she’d-died-but-then-turns-up-at-Christmas-with-her-snot-nosed-goblin-spawn-and-gives-you-a-non-consensual-hug, I’m back.

I’m back to educate you on all things columns, a topic I really don’t know anything about. And with no-one heading back to campus anytime soon, it’s time to reminisce about something no-one likes.


If you’re like me until recently, you’ll have no idea what Clasp is. Well, turns out it’s that pile of rusty cubes in the middle of campus that looks like a Jenga game abandoned halfway through. From the sculpture Antony Gormley, the guy behind that T-posing angel, Clasp is a testament of everything it means to be a student.

A waste of money.

It’s nice to know my university experience is being invested in a stack of oxo cubes.





Decent spot to meet people?


I would need an entirely new column for this.


Kinda rusty and bland. Needs seasoning with some actual education.

Ability to withstand a punch.

Tried to make the journey for this test but Boris stopped me stating that “going to punch a statue is not a valid reason to travel”.

FINAL SCORE: £9250/£9250 of our degrees spent on it.

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