Cressida Dick rebrands ACAB as “All Cops Are Beautiful”

Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police Cressida Dick has today announced a new campaign designed to rejuvenate the Met’s image.

The campaign, titled ‘ACAB: All Cops Are Beautiful’ will see coppers of all types photographed doing what they do best.

Sources say that actors will be used instead of real police as they are “too busy upholding the systems of oppression”.

Type-scenes being used include: a drag queen violently arresting a drag king and a disabled officer wheeling over a suspect. Another scene features – in an attempt to subvert expectations – a black officer beating up an unarmed white man.

The campaign is intended to market the Force as an inclusive and positive employer and is part of a wider recruitment drive. Huge swathes of police are in prison and the Met needs temporary officers until the original officers serve their sentences and return to duty.

This is just the latest attempt by the police to clean up their image after numerous damaging incidents. We at The Lampoon look forward to seeing this campaign come to fruition.

Featured Image: Diane Abbott MP on Twitter

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