2021 Conservative Christmas party to be held at your mum’s house, you whiny fuck

Following the widespread public outrage over the developing story of the Government’s string of Christmas parties, the Johnson administration has announced that they intend to hold their 2021 Christmas events at your mum’s house, if you’re so keen to have a fucking party.

Earlier today, Boris Johnson revealed that the Cabinet, a number of Conservative MPs, and any aides that look like they won’t go running to the press will arrive at your mum’s house during the run-up to Christmas and make merry.

“We have heard the outrage and hullabaloo regarding both last year’s lockdown and the number of events that may or may not have taken place,” the Prime Minister stated. “In order to address both of these issues, we have determined that the best course of action is to rock up at your mum’s place and slam our faces into cocaine until Liz Truss starts to look worth the effort.”

While the Government has claimed not to have a schedule of events in mind for this function, Downing Street insiders have stated off the record that plans exist for traditional Tory Party games of Burning Money in Front of a Homeless Person, Covid Contract Bingo, and Stick the Knife in the Prime Minister.

Plans for a professional photographer to be in attendance remain unconfirmed.

Featured image: Flickr

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