Tory aides caught having first ever party

A leaked photograph shows a cabal of Conservative aides and bigwigs having their first ever party.

In attendance was Shaun Bailey – beloved by uncles everywhere trying to show their nieces that they’re not racist –  and party donor Nick Candy (grey blazer, above). Aside from his deep pockets, Candy is best known for having the name of a male porn star and dressing like a forex trader.

One of the Tory aides present at the party agreed to speak to The Lampoon, through the mist of his cologne.

“We’re gutted that we got caught on our first ever party. We didn’t even get to play spin the bottle, of cognac, or seven minutes in heaven, where you get a in a cupboard with a Tory donor and have seven minutes to award them as many public sector contracts as you can.”

The Lampoon is proud to report that none of its staffers ever attended a party after COVID-19 rules forbade it, or before.

Featured Image: Armando Iannucci on Twitter

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