Boris Johnson told to await visits from 147,857 spirits

Sources indicate that Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been warned to await a visit from 147,857 spirits on the night before Christmas.

“We are to understand that the Prime Minister received advance warning of these visitations from the ghost of Margaret Thatcher, who appeared in Boris Johnson’s redecorated residence to deliver a warning,” a civil service source told The Lampoon.

“Unfortunately, the old girl was pretty fucking ravaged by dementia, so the message got a bit lost in translation. She kept calling the Prime Minister ’Denis’, cried a bit when she didn’t recognise her former home: it was a shocking display all round.”

Thankfully, the Ghost of Privatisation Past managed to relay the important message to the Prime Minister: that he should expect to be visited by the 147,857 spirits of those his Government allowed to perish of Covid.

“Of course, the Prime Minister was very firm on the fact that this would not be a party,” our source was keen to state. “No: this is more of an opportunity for a bleary-eyed and barely-present Boris Johnson to be told quite how badly he’s fucked up by grey and insubstantial critics.”

“Thankfully, Mr Johnson’s ample experience of Prime Minister’s Questions has made him well-equipped for the ordeal.”

Early reports indicate that the Prime Minister means to deliver a statement prior to the visitation, urging the 147,857 spirits to visit the former Labour government instead.

Featured image: Number Ten on Flickr

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