Labour Leader Keir Starmer has today proven his tireless dedication to British values by smashing up a bus stop in Birmingham.
The incident took place after a respectful debate with Angela Rayner in a pub, wherein she smashed a pool cue against his head.
A witness remarked, as a pint glass whizzed past her head, “The two of them tumbled out into the car park outside, and that’s when Keir locked wide, mad eyes with the bus shelter. It’s proven to me how wrong I was.”
“Before this afternoon, the way he held a press conference every time he got a poll lead reminded me of a pensioner cheering every time he sustained an erection. Now, I see he’s a red-blooded patriot, just like you or me.”
“If he breaks enough laws, who knows? Maybe he’ll be prime minister.”
The incident was confirmed by a number of party insiders, namely the stag party that joined in.
Featured image: UK Parliament on Flickr