Man without degree gets job

An eighteen year old man astounded his peers last week by just getting a job.

Instead of sinking himself in thirty thousand pounds’ worth of debt, he simply got a job. Reports suggest it’s a good job, too; management in a retailer, I think.

Students would be outraged if they could fathom the concept, but they can’t, so aren’t.

I know this is difficult to understand, so I’ll try to elaborate.

He went to university, graduated and got a job – which is obviously the only way to begin adult life – except without the first two bits.

Hang on, I’ve just confused myself.

When asked for comment, Chris Day said “you what?”

Oh god, I tried to do some research, what the fuck is an apprenticeship?

Centrist tries to write satirical article, gives himself 5/10

I, a centrist, decided to write a satirical article. Unfortunately, the balanced approach of finding good and bad in any situation, policy or person is not best suited for the take-down style of most comic news websites.

It’s unlikely this article will have enthusiastic mainstream support, but it might succeed by not being hated. If people hate it, hopefully an exact same amount of other people love it, so it still comes out neutral.

What do you think so far? This paragraph is a bit up itself and way too self-referential for its own good, but at least it’s self-aware enough to mention it. Certainly, the first two paragraphs could have done with an extra joke or two.

I feel like the writer was banking too much on the idea of the article, so the actual content is lacking. Let’s hope it picks up in the next paragraph.

It doesn’t.