Sponsored By The Catholic Church
OK, so we’ve all done the occasional sin here or there – eating meat on a Friday, skipping mass from time to time. But have you ever wondered what the literal seven DEADLIEST sins EVER are? Fear not, the Catholic Church has got you covered…
“W T actual F??? What’s wrong with being proud????” we hear you say. Well think again, girl, because that’s the kind of talk which will end you up spending eternity in the absence of God’s love in the flames of hell which burn but provide no warmth or light.
Ughhhhhhh. We all LOVE a lie-in. After a night of mimosas with the girls, there’s nothing like waking up, telling your alarm clock to STFU and going straight back to sleep. But DID YOU KNOW this can lead to eternal damnation? Seriously. Look it up.
Now this sin is literally such a buzzkill. And surely you can never have too many pairs of shoes in your wardrobe, am I right??? Try telling that to Dante Alighieri:
Here, more than elsewhere, I saw multitudes
to every side of me; their howls were loud
while, wheeling weights, they used their chests to push.
They struck against each other; at that point,
each turned around and, wheeling back those weights,
cried out: “Why do you hoard?” “Why do you squander?”
Avarice is honestly cheugy AF.
We know you were 100% fuming when Rachel got off the plane (BTW babe you are SO too good for that piece of sh*t), but you’re gonna be getting off a very different plane in a little spot called Self-exclusion from Communion with God if you don’t get to confession ASAP!
Sit down, have a drink of water. We’ve got some bad news.
Lust is 3rd deadliest sin of ALL TIME.
Yup, that Netflix and chill session you’ve got planned might not be such a great idea, because unless it’s solely for the purpose of procreation (Ugh, GROSS, we know), you’re going to hell. Remember what that purple devil emoji you just sent looks like because you’re gonna be seeing a LOT more of that guy.
We see you commenting “omg totally stunning babe x” on your BFF’s pics when you’re secretly well jel.
And you know who else sees it? The Lord. And he’s damning you to the flames for all eternity. Harsh much.
Someone should try telling this to Ben and Jerry’s because once I literally demolished a whole tub of Cookie Dough in, like, 2 days. But I went to confession after it, and so should you, if you want to avoid the fiery pits of damnation.
One too many trips to Five Guys? Confess.
A bit TOO flexitarian? Confess.
Given up on *another* diet? Confess.
Gluttony is the number 1 deadliest sin and if you don’t repent you’re gonna rot in hell forever.
Oops, we said it.