A civil suit has been leveraged against The Toon Lampoon, following charges of gross distress and psychological trauma in the aftermath of a nude calendar shoot.
The family of Phil Tompkins, a local photographer, announced the lawsuit after Tompkins’s loss of sanity following the studio session.
Speaking to a gathering of reporters and a representative from The Lampoon, the Tompkins family’s legal counsel claimed that the damage visited upon the plaintiff “goes beyond what mere nudity should be able to accomplish”.
“Of course, the idea of a nude photo shoot of The Toon Lampoon – satire at its most grotesque, one could say – already conjures a host of nightmarish images that would cause any sane mind to warp itself out of sheer self-preservation,” the Tompkins’ lawyer told our reporter (‘Mr February’).
“But nudity of such a form that it turned our photographer’s eyes to bleed black as his psyche fled to another realm: the stripping bare of bodies that defy both Euclidean geometry and the basis of morality and spiritual wellbeing as we know it… well, we’re looking for compensation.”
Phil Tompkins’s physical form spread in a millimetre-thick paste over the walls, floor, and ceiling of The Lampoon offices in the aftermath of the session. He has yet to make a statement, other than to whisper in harsh, metallic tones words that correspond neither to known linguistic theory nor our current understanding of vocal cords.
The Lampoon has announced its intention in this very paragraph to fight most strenuously against these allegations once they’ve talked their lawyer down off the edge of the roof. Once their innocence is proven, they intend to counter-sue Paul Tompkins for what they have described as “a deplorable act of body shaming”.
The Toon Lampoon Naked Calendar will go on sale later this year, with all profits going towards future lawsuits.
Featured image: Pixabay