CEO credits billion-dollar fortune to early days as “boss babe”

In a statement given to the press, Alasdair Ambani claimed that he would be nothing without his early experience selling cosmetics and shampoos over social media.

Talking to The Toon Lampoon’s business correspondent, Ambani stated that several years of regularly working twelve-hour days while raising a family and being his own boss have fully contributed to the financial and business success that he enjoys today.

“I truly believe that, without that time of working for myself – of being the CEO of my own small company – then I wouldn’t be where I am today: earning an eight-figure salary and owning a healthy amount of stock in several prominent businesses,” Ambani told our reporter.

“Was it an easy journey, from selling hair and nail products over Facebook to Chief Executive Officer of a multi-billion dollar business? Absolutely not. I’ve faced setback after setback; I’ve brought myself and my family to the brink of financial ruin by buying stock that, at the time, it seemed impossible to get rid of. I’ve reached out to people that I used to make fun of in high school, acting as though I’m interested in reconnecting with them, before segueing into a pre-typed, boilerplate sales pitch.”

When asked what the greatest cost was on his road from Boss Babe to highly qualified and well-connected CEO of a publicly traded company, Ambani told our correspondent, “It’s definitely the social cost. I have a number of former friends and family members that won’t talk to me now, several of whom have experienced hairloss after I emotionally manipulated them into purchasing and using my products. But that’s just the price you have to pay to succeed: something that many of my fellow Boss Babes understand.”