Doctor Who production team sends out casting call for Jimmy Savile

In what has been described as an “unexpected move” by the BBC property, the creative team behind Doctor Who recently sent out a call for actors to portray the DJ, television and radio personality, and mass rapist Jimmy Savile.

“We know that this is a controversial decision,” a spokesman for the long-running series told The Lampoon, “but Doctor Who is not just about aliens, spaceships, and the future. Some of the show’s strongest moments have been concerned with confronting the past: our own faults present in history.”

The science-fiction programme has received acclaim from critics and its audience for previous historical episodes. Rosa, an early episode from Jodie Whittaker’s run as the Doctor received an approval rating of 97% on Rotten Tomatoes and was praised as “an insightful instalment that returns the show to its educational roots and serves as a reminder of how powerful purposeful science fiction can be”.

“I’m not going to deny that Savile’s going to be a challenge,” the spokesperson told our reporter. “We’re talking three hundred potential victims, not to mention the BBC are sort of keen to avoid us making it look like they knew it had been happening since the 1960s. But the team does feel that we can do this story justice. Obviously, we wouldn’t want to erase the suffering of the victims by portraying a timeline where the abuse never happened, so this might be another situation where it’s the Doctor’s role to keep history on track, otherwise…I don’t know: Daleks or something.”

Jimmy Savile is no stranger to BBC programming, having presented Jim’ll Fix It on BBC One from May 1975 to June 1994, as well as being the subject of a tribute following his death in Christmas 2011.

Masochist settles down to watch Doctor Who special

A local masochist is reportedly getting all comfy to watch the New Year’s Day special of Doctor Who. This follows a long day of bondage, extreme pain endurance and reading The Toon Lampoon.

The masochist told our reporter “Honestly, I’ve made my way this far through the Whittaker era, I may as well keep going.”

“If I’m feeling particularly masochistic, I might even read the fans’ Reddit posts about casting a woman as the Doctor.”

The main issue with becoming a Doctor Who fan is, of course, the increase in sex appeal. This is balanced out, though, by the fact that one’s social life becomes far easier to manage after losing most of one’s friends.

Our reporter was well-qualified to cover this story, in a first for The Lampoon. In our office – which is located in a sex shop – all our staff hotdesk with dominatrices.

It should be known, though, that our reporter only did the polite amount of BDSM sex with the masochist. This was followed almost immediately by the impolite amount.