A local man has been admitted to Mensa and offered a position at the Harvard philosophy faculty for asking when international men’s day is. Guinness World Records has also contacted him to congratulate him for having the world’s funniest Twitter account.
Laurence Fox and Piers Morgan have congratulated him on the social media platform where they complain about censorship to their hundreds of thousands of followers.
“Brilliant, brilliant,” Ricky Gervais tweeted. “Where some people would use Google, this local hero uses his entire timeline as his own personal search engine.”
Speaking to The Lampoon, a senior professor in anthropology explained “we’ve been trying to eradicate sexism for decades with feminist, queer and critical race theory, but turns out Steve from Hounslow had the solution the whole time.”
“I’ll just piss off I guess.”
“This is such a good feeling,” Steve told The Lampoon. “If this high wears off, I might have to do some real activism.”
Meanwhile, the editorial and writing staff at The Lampoon would like to wish a very happy birthday to women.
Featured Image: Jonas Kakaroto on Unsplash
In what has been hailed as a landmark moment for feminism and equality in the United Kingdom, Downing Street is reportedly drawing up plans to abolish the convention that only male heirs may inherit aristocratic titles: a practice that has existed for centuries.
Under this proposal, first-born daughters of wealthy, aristocratic families may now take on their father’s baronetcy or hereditary peerages, rather than the younger sons of the same wealthy, aristocratic families.
This incredible stride towards true equality for white, upper-class women will be helmed by a team of female aides in what one Tory peer described as “woke, intellectually bankrupt, progressive flimflam.”
The move will do much to win the Conservative Party support among feminist groups and women in general: areas in which the Party have historically failed to make major strides due to what has been termed the Tories’ “women problem” as well as any of the many recent headlines containing the phrase, “Tory MP accused of rape.”
A spokesperson for the National Alliance of Woman’s Organisations told The Toon Lampoon, “It’s moments like these that really make the job worthwhile. I think that if you told me even one year ago that aristocratic women might one day have almost the same amount of rights as aristocratic men, I’d have just laughed.”
“Honestly, I’ve had my doubts, but this Conservative Government has really been an ally to feminism. From Theresa May having all the political force of a coma patient, Priti Patel playing the race card whenever the mask slips and the unspeakable horror within peeks out, and now this incredible step forward for rich, white women’s rights: it’s just been one ‘yas queen’ moment after another.”
The Toon Lampoon has reached out to several potential female peers for comment but have so far been rebuffed for not being “their type of people.”