Joe Biden commits to withdrawing troops from Afghanistan as soon as oil companies let him

Joe Biden has today committed to withdrawing all US troops from Afghanistan, just as soon as he gets the go-ahead from oil conglomerates.

“I announced in April I was going to get our boys home, and I meant it. We can’t stay in Afghanistan and continue to contribute to a bloodbath like we’re in some cowboy movie, or Iraq.”

“I just also happen to be a teensy-weensy bit scared of telling the oil guys no. They get about as unhinged as I am when I haven’t taken my meds.”

Of course, Biden admitted that there were many actors to consider.

“It’s also important we weigh up the opinion of the Afghan people, because that’ll make me look good in the re-election campaign.”

Biden is of course expertly qualified to understand all manner of complicated military matters. His understanding of technology, for example, is such that it now takes him just three hours to open a PDF.

Featured image: Gage Skidmore on Flickr