EA announce “FIFA: The Movie” – exclusive cast reveal

It’s an exciting day in the world of association football-based sports video games, as EA Sports have revealed a film based on their most successful series. Arriving July 2022, EA Sports FIFA: The Movie Based On The Popular Video Game Series Of The Same Name will be exclusively written and directed by renowned filmmaker, Guillermo del Toro.

According to early insider information, the film’s script consists entirely of dialogue from unseen commentator characters, while the on-screen cast will remain entirely silent. The plot is said to follow the story of a collection of matches between various fictional teams, as most clubs refused to license their details to the project.

The announcement was followed by a cast reveal.

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Paul Rudd … as Lionel Messi

“I am really excited to tackle a different challenge as an actor. They forced me to learn Spanish despite having no lines in the film. I’ve been on the training field for weeks, practising Leo’s free kicks. Hopefully I can do Messi justice.” – Rudd

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Ryan Reynolds …
as Christopher Rolando

Due to licensing issues, Reynolds’ character is based on an athlete who cannot be named here for legal reasons.

“The hardest part of the role was practising the ‘SUIIII’ celebration. I pulled my hamstring twice in the process. Nonetheless, it has been an experience.” – Reynolds

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Robert Downey Jr. …
as Gareth Southgate

“I’m a bit of a gamer myself, so this is an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. They let me keep the waistcoats, too, which was a nice cherry on top of the $85 million I was paid.” – Downey Jr.

Image: @johntravolta, Instagram

John Travolta … as Pep Guardiola

“I’m a big fan of the bald fraud, so to play him is truly a once in a lifetime experience.” – Travolta

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Benedict Cumberbatch … as Harry Kane

“I am excited to bring it home for the boys, best believe.” – Cumberbatch

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Pete Davidson … as Neymar

“I’ve always wanted to get into method acting. I’ve spent an accumulative time of around 15,000 hours practising stepovers and ball juggling to prepare for the role. Unfortunately, my on-field scenes were cut.” – Davidson

Supporting cast include Morgan Freeman as Pelé, Rowan Atkinson as José Mourinho, Jonah Hill as David Luiz, Penélope Cruz as the only female character, and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Kevin Hart as the commentators.

EA Sports FIFA: The Movie Based On The Popular Video Game Series Of The Same Name will hit the big screen next summer.

Featured Image: SkySports & Wikimedia Commons

Pep Guardiola named managerial genius after wins against Watford, West Ham and Newcastle this season

Sky Sports’ array of pundits have came out to praise Premier League golden boy – and Manchester City manager – Pep Guardiola, after his team of plucky underdogs thrashed Newcastle United 5-0.

Despite Man City spending more than 1 billion pounds since 2008 to assemble a world class squad, pundits are jumping at the chance to tunnel more praise into Guardiola’s amazing achievements.

Sky Sports pundit Harry Beaver was quoted saying: “What Guardiola has done this season is brilliant, with the limited resources he has had during his tenure at Citeh”.

“I mean, when he thumped West Ham 5-0 at the start of the season I was shocked. Then beating the mighty Watford 8-0?! I thought we were going to have another Leicester!”

Beaver’s co-host, Sid Cophant, chimed in with “Let’s not forget the amazing story back in February, when 2nd place Man City surprised us all by beating 18th place Aston Villa in the League Cup final!”.

Although Liverpool actually won the title this season, Man City fans are rightfully claiming this was a fluke, based on Aymeric Laporte being injured for half of the season. As a result, they’re suggesting the most expensive squad in Europe was ‘lacking in depth’ to make a proper challenge for the title.

Manchester City disappointed to have not scored more against a Newcastle United team featuring DeAndre Yedlin and Emil Krafth

Pep Guardiola has criticised his team for only managing 5 goals against a poor Newcastle side a few weeks ago at the Etihad. Steve Bruce thought he was having another tactical blinder, when he decided to play both out-of-favour full backs DeAndre Yedlin and Emil Krafth.

After surrendering the FA Cup quarter final to Man City before a whistle was blown earlier this year, fans were anticipating a strong performance against last years champions… perhaps only a 2-0 beating.

Unfortunately, only 10 minutes into the game, Newcastle fans were disappointingly reminded that Steve Bruce is still their manager.

Despite this massive loss, pundits who are good friends with Bruce have come out and backed the manager, claiming he has done a fantastic job this season. Bruce has thanked the unbiased and non sycophantic press for backing him during these difficult times, when his tactical mediocrity is truly exposed.

In other news, Newcastle fans are welcoming the prospect of games against Man City being dubbed the “Human Rights Violation Derby” next season, if their Saudi backed takeover is to go through.