Following a series of intense negotiations with Russian diplomats, Foreign Secretary Liz Truss officially declared war on Ukraine.
Speaking to The Toon Lampoon’s Meme Correspondent, Liz Truss explained her motivations for what many in the Foreign Office have described as, “Wait, Jesus Christ, what?”
“It has become clear, after a frank exchange of views with my Russian counterpart, that Vladimir Putin is thoroughly in the right on this issue,” Truss stated. “The Ukraine is currently in possession of Ukrainian territory, in open defiance of the wishes of Russia. This is a disgrace.”
“By defending Russian interests, not only will we deepen the ties of friendship between our countries, but we might also not need to give back the £2.3 million that they donated to the Conservative Party.”
The Foreign Secretary’s announcement has been hailed as a triumph by different sectors of the British political scene. The Prime Minister today acknowledged the “sterling work” that Liz Truss had done in distracting everyone from the topic of Christmas parties. Meanwhile, Nadine Dorries, glassy-eyed and tottering, explained how Ukraine had only existed for ten years, to what would later turn out to be a marble bust of Disraeli.
The left-wing Stop The War Coalition also applauded the Foreign Secretary’s actions, with a spokesman describing the move as “a much-needed rebuke to the international terrorist organisation known as NATO” before his mother called him in to finish his GCSE coursework.
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