Prince Andrew has invited testicle lookalike and part-time sex pest Rudy Giuliani to Woking Pizza Express to advise him on how to handle the Borat fallout. Giuliani has been the subject of controversy after being filmed having an inappropriate-looking encounter, in the biggest sex scandal in American politics since about twenty minutes ago.
Prince Andrew was quick to defend his decision.
“I don’t crack under pressure: when have you seen me break a sweat?” Prince Andrew asked reporters gathered outside his home.
The Lampoon can exclusively reveal details of the meeting between the Prince and former Mayor of New York.
Our food critic happened to be on the scene, reviewing the restaurant and stealing as many dough balls as she could to feed our writers. That she stumbled upon the encounter was a happy coincidence, just like how it was a happy coincidence that Rudy Giuliani was tucking in his shirt whilst being in a hotel room with a girl he was later told was underage.
“Listen, Rudy, accusing Sacha Baron Cohen of carrying out a hit job because you attacked Hunter Biden, even though he filmed it months before you actually attacked Hunter Biden, is genius,” Prince Andrew told Giuliani. “After months of lockdown, time in 2020 is almost as meaningless as politics in 2020.”
“Any other election cycle, this would be front and centre, but now it’ll disappear quicker than Jeffrey Epstein’s fingerprints from the sides of my Jacuzzi.”
Note: the Pizza Express in the photo is in Upminster, not Woking. Don’t bring that poor Pizza Express into this. The Toon Lampoon accepts no responsibility for any confusion.